If you believe love is unconditional, you’re probably codependent.
I know this is blunt and I apologize in advance, but you’ve got to be pretty desperate to fill your emotional void if you love someone despite ALL of their flaws.
Come on, people, this is the real world! There are enough episodes of “Snapped” and “Who the F*ck Did I Marry” to prove there are definitely some conditions that come with love.
For one thing, the people we fall in love with hardly ever turn out to be the people we fall in love with. If everyone unleashed their crazy on the first date, the term “honeymoon phase” would cease to exist.
No. We mask ourselves until we trust the person.
But, even if our significant other accepts our flaws when the love is new, critical flaws can (and will) eventually hinder the relationship further down the line. There are simply too many toxic qualities that can make a person unlovable.
Let me provide a real-life example: My husband took me to meet an old friend of his. I was excited because his friend was married, and we were lacking in the married friends department.
Well, we showed up to his house for his son’s birthday party, and everything seemed fine until my husband asked if I would like something to drink.
His friend was so appalled by the idea of my husband offering me a drink that he shouted, “What are you, her bitch? Let her get her own drink! You’re not her f*cking slave!”
I waited for him to laugh and reassure us he was joking (I think we all were), but he was serious. My husband got me a drink anyway, and kissed me on the cheek when he handed it to me, as if to wordlessly apologize for bringing me around this guy.
Fast forward to later in the evening, and his friend was literally falling down drunk in front of everyone, including his kid, who is only 2 years old.
Personally, I couldn’t love anyone under those conditions. But it would not surprise me if someone expected me to.
There are simply too many quotes inspiring people to stick to their pathetic habits: “Be yourself. If they don’t like you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best.” “Don’t change yourself for anyone, no matter how important they may be.”
Great quotes if you were just dumped over your taste in music, but realistically, the decision to include another person in your life means you should probably take his or her well-being into consideration as well.
Plus, how does one become a better version of him or herself without evolving somehow? Exactly.
It’s great to be content with who you are, but I think most would agree that self-improvement is equally as important. It is possible to adapt for the betterment of your relationship without losing your core.
If you would like reassurance that your guy or girl isn’t trying to steal your soul, I have listed a few things below that are okay to change for someone you love:
1. Your Immaturity
Whether you suffer from Peter Pan Syndrome or are under pressure from your friends to limit your emotional growth so they feel better about themselves, it is definitely okay to make some changes in your maturity level for someone you love, both publicly and privately.
The amount of embarrassment I could tolerate in my singledom was triple what I can tolerate in my marriage. In a relationship, you are a representation of your significant other.
When you are acting like an ass (being loud, obnoxious, arrogant and just blatantly displaying your ignorance), people aren’t just thinking you’re an ass; they are also wondering what’s wrong with your seemingly competent partner, that he or she would be with someone like you.
And unless there is something wrong with him or her, your significant other will eventually begin to wonder the same thing.
2. Your Display Of Affection
You may not be the public-display-of-affection type, but affection doesn’t have to be physical.
Your significant other may be able to haul his or her own groceries, open his or her own doors, cook for him or herself and retrieve items around the house, but doing these things for your partner is a display of affection.
A real man can do it all by himself, but a real woman won’t let him. When you care about someone, showing it is important.
Kissing, hugging and holding hands in public doesn’t have to be your thing. Going out of your way to do something nice for your significant other is just as good!
3. Your Mind
I’m a city girl, and my husband is a country boy. We are firm proof that opposites attract. From religious beliefs to political views, we are polar opposites.
At least we used to be.
For example, I used to be distraught at the idea of someone hunting animals to eat. I was firmly against it, until my husband explained the inhumanity of the corporate farms that produce our grocery store meat. This motivated me to educate myself on the topic, which ultimately changed my opinion completely.
I’m not advocating a cult mentality. Not all of your significant other’s opinions should become yours.
I’m saying that should arrogantly believe they have nothing left to learn. If your significant other (or anybody, really) presents you with an opportunity to educate yourself, take it.
4. Unhealthy Habits
Yes, pork chops are delicious. So is bacon, a greasy cheeseburger and an extra-large Coke (light on the ice).
As a former smoker, I can assure you a cigarette after an unhealthy meal is like whipped white frosting on a strawberry cake: amazing! The list of unhealthy habits can go on and on, but they’re terrible, and your loved one is going to try to get you to change them.
This is a change that should flatter you because the only way your significant other is benefitting from you adopting a healthier lifestyle is by you living longer.
It doesn’t get any sweeter.
5. Your Routine
Every weekend, you and your friends hit the club till the wee hours of the morning.
Personally, I found that the club scene became less desirable after I shacked up anyway, but that isn’t the case for some people. If your guy or girl wants your club night to become your date night, are you going to choose drinking and dancing with a stranger over your partner?
Hopefully the answer is no.
I’m not saying you have to give up all your routines, but the superficial ones? Most definitely.
At the end of the day, only you know what is right for you. But if you find a great person worth changing for, my suggestion is you swallow your pride and do it; lest you end up with a box of tissues on your lap and The Backstreet Boys on repeat.
5 Ways It’s Okay To Change Aspects Of Yourself For Someone You Love
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